Art Healership Lessons

A lesson on confronting the demons in our quiet

Frida Kahlo, Lo que el agua me dio (What the Water Gave Me), 1938, oil on canvas, collection of Daniel FIlipacchi, Paris

It is in times of solitude and prolonged quiet that some of our deepest fears emerge. Our body and mind, in these moments, are working in tandem to push the soul to begin the healing process. Or, as Stephen Cope (psychotherapist and yoga teacher) describes:

The “night sea journey” is the journey into the parts of ourselves that are split off, disavowed, unknown, unwanted, cast out, and exiled to the various subterranean worlds of consciousness… The goal of this journey is to reunite us with ourselves. Such a homecoming can be surprisingly painful, even brutal. In order to undertake it we must first agree to exile nothing.’

Frida’s journey into her bath waters, sees her past pains emerge in myriad forms, seemingly turning what should be a relaxing bath into a fear-filled swamp rife with demons.

These moments are surreal, and can even be terrifying should we end up unintentionally looking these demons in the face. ‘Journey’ seems an inappropriate word, considering this trip into the darkness is one we’d often not rather take, one that might more appropriately be entitled ‘rescue mission’. For in these instances we must be saved from ourselves, by ourselves. The more powerfully we resist, in trying to exile our demons and fears, the more vigorously they cling to our reality, distorting both how we see the world and how we subsequently react to it through our behaviours.

Accepting that this journey is happening for you requires a kindness from you to you; it requires a tolerance of occasional, and temporary, discomfort. Such unpleasantness is not an indicator of truth, but is the catalyst through which you must pass to find your truth. Still, the quietude can feel perilous; we are looking squarely at our darkest demons, those that reside in the depths of our minds. They are the pains of the past, longing to be understood, translating themselves into thoughts and images in the only way they know how: fear.

You might imaging an unpleasant scenario, such as being cheated on. This demon does not wish to inspire fear, however, that is not the goal. It wants to be processed and loved as a part of ourselves – even though they may look like the least loveable parts. What this unpleasant waking nightmare is doing is showing us where we hurt: in this case of being fearful of being cheated on – do we feel worthless in some way? Do we give ourselves enough recognition for our innate value? Manifesting as something fearful is a demon’s way of letting you know that they are important; they just may not have learnt yet that this is perhaps not the most effective method of asking for your help; you need each other for guidance.

In this way, our demons are not demons at all. On a literal level, they are thoughts, scenarios, images, and every other form of meaning that can be made by the mind. But, to stretch the metaphor further, our demons are our pain, shrouded in menacing cloaks, and disturbing visages. We reject them for exactly these reasons – because they are scary, showing us things about ourselves we would rather not acknowledge in the hope that this will make them untrue. Consequently, they have no choice but to become something that inspires terror, because it is one of the only things to which we might pay attention. Yet, counterintuitively, we have trained ourselves to view these demons, but still very reasonably, as a threat. Superficially, they are challenging our very sense of self: who we think we currently are and what perceive our world to be. But who you are, and the reality of your world, is exactly what they’re trying to reveal to you.

This is not to say that the demons are who you are, and nor is it to say these visions are what you secretly really think of the world, but cannot yet admit; it is to say that we have become too closely identified with the version of ourselves that is accustomed to living in fear, and it is to say that what they are trying to show us is the world. Once understood, a certain clarity about our own realities can be achieved.

We would also do well to remember that they wouldn’t show themselves if we couldn’t handle them. For when they do arise, we are really presented with a choice: do we distract ourselves by getting out of the bath (by falling into a social media sinkhole, or socialising until the past is fuzzy, distant, and bearable)? Or, do we give ourselves the space and time in the still waters to ask the silence: ‘I recognise you’re trying to help, but it is painful for me; so, can you tell me why you are here?’ In asking that question alone, we reclaim ownership of our pain. We begin to learn to protect ourselves and our demons, rather than blindly allowing the demons to do what they can to protect us. Frida herself acknowledges this process and what it can do for the soul, that is, the process of being a stranger to yourself towards becoming one with what you fear. Of the journey she stated:

‘I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by the decent and good feeling.’

From Frida’s experience, we should take away the understanding that they’ve learnt how to swim because the bastards knew we can handle them all along.

Confronting these demons is not something we naturally know how to do. It is not part of anyone’s schooling, but it can be learnt. At the very least, Frida created her art so we would not be alone as we stumble headlong into a healing, falling gracelessly into a quiet bath time full of our greatest fears. Perhaps finding a way to bathe alongside such disruption is the secret:

  1. Thoughts that evoke discomfort are trying to teach you something

In the quiet of Frida’s bath, the things she loves are entangled with the things she hates. Each polarity therefore can be seen as attached to a displeasure, not peace (as one might expect from such an experience). For instance, the inclusion of succulents and desert plants could symbolise her roots, specifically her Aztec history of which she was overtly proud; however, their placement in the foreground, at the opposite end of her legs to her feet, could indicate a deeper disconnection with being unable to bestow the culture that flowed through her blood to a child, having been rendered incapable of having children after her trolley accident at the age of eighteen. The solace we can take from this image then, begins here: what arises for us, is simply what arises; it should not be judged as positive or negative, but viewed with curiosity. There is no shame in the mirages that appear for you, no matter how they mutate into thinking or imagination. Just remember to ask: what are you here to teach me about myself and my world?

Some strategically placed desert plants (detail from What the Water Gave Me)

2. There is no such thing as a good or bad thought; demons show you more complex truths

We should not berate ourselves for having thoughts that cause discomfort in ourselves or for thoughts that we might think upset others; they are valid and important. In being tangled with how we feel about the issue, they should be seen as symbolic. What they symbolise, however, will rarely ever be so simple as to indicate that you are a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person. Idiosyncratic in their expression, the demons (in thought, feeling, or image form) hav chosen to show themselves in a ways that are interpretable.

For instance, today, Frida depicting the Empire State Building being engulfed in the hellish heat of a volcano might not be the most well received theme for patriotic American audiences. Nonetheless, such a scene is probably not her wishing a hellish end upon anyone. Instead, it is likely representative of her ire at having to bend to the life and work of her husband, Diego Rivera, and move to live in the USA. Sacrificing the comfort and home of Mexico caused a deep resentment in Frida and not unjustly. So, although on the surface, such an image might appear dramatic, and even satanic, it is probably just what her resentment looks like in its rawest form, having been torn from her homeland and forced to stay in a foreign place where the values and customs were somewhat discordant with her own. As such, the USA, more specifically the buildings (maybe due to their connection with Capitalist American’s approach to work) became the cause of her misery and then understandably manifested as the embodiment of her feelings of isolation. being swallowed by a volcano, with some clarity, demonstrates how Frida felt about America and everything for which the Empire State Building stood. For Frida, it was America that stood in the way of freedom.

Demons are never a symbol of who you are in the form in which they arise; deeply understanding them, and only then passing judgement, is a far more effective method of gaining self-knowledge. We would not think Frida a ‘bad’ person for having this thought, despite its apocalyptic appearance. You are not simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’, and neither are your thoughts; both are reductive (and actually unhelpful) judgements when trying to find your truth, you are you, and ‘you’ is a far more textured realisation that should feel more like this: ‘Ah – this is what my unique experiences have led me to believe about myself and the world’.

3. When calm, pursue a dialogue with your demons

Already covered is the overarching, ‘what are you here to teach me?’ But, as humans, no single question will suffice; our pain is complex and is often obfuscated by the deep waters of our soul. No single sequence of premeditated questions will lead us to our own realisation or growth; to provide one would be to take away autonomy. The process must be tailored and reflected upon as we go – and you are best placed to do the tailoring. Envisage a difficult conversation you’ve had, however, and you’ll no doubt recall how unsettled it has left you during, and even after. Before any dialogue can begin with your demons, take care to create calm: a valid and clear thought, judgement, or discovery, cannot be drawn from disorder.

Embarking on this perilous mission will result in difficulty and perhaps even mild to intense terror. So it is best you position yourself, physically and mentally, in a space in which you can pendulate into the dialogue and swiftly out of it should it become momentarily unbearable.

First take care of your body. Calmness can be achieved here through yoga (to ground yourself in physical sensations), a leisurely walk (to root yourself in the scenery or your steps), or, for the more sedentary, a bath (which is the obvious choice here, especially if you’ve got some great smells to focus on, or even some warmly flickering candles to stare at, but in the event that you don’t have these things, focussing on the feel of the water can also soothing enough). Taking care that your body is relaxed will prime your mind for calm, regulating your emotional system into a state in which it is safer to discuss difficult topics with yourself.

Second, a brief meditation will sharpen your mind, allowing you to become more capable of observing your mind for what it is: the water that cycles in a river journeying from the sky to the night sea and round again. The river, or journey to the sea, is not shaped by what flows through it, but by the places in which it is allowed to erode. Meditation places strategic levees to make this journey smoother and somewhat less chaotic. The significance of water to this piece could contain yet another meaning; it could also be indicative of the childhood memories many of us may harbour, and the meandering necessary to reach the depths of our diverse childhoods (which might even overlap with memories in the tub). Or, yet another message could be adrift in the water. Frida’s legs are submerged, with only her toes poking out, reflected in the still water; could this represent the stillness she achieved by having this dialogue by using painting as her mode of communication? Her bath seems to show her own reality, her own thoughts, and her own demons, for what they truly represent.

Now, the kinds of questions we ask, whether through internal dialogue or painting, should unpick the thoughts and images that arise; remember they are symbols of the core beliefs we hold. Ask yourself about concepts you have unquestioningly internalised, links between unlikely ideas, probe for similarities to your earliest memories of certain emotions: Why might I imagine plants of my native land when thinking of children? Why is marriage the pinnacle of a relationship to me really? Why is clothing floating in the water, and what does the way I dress mean to me? What does ‘loyalty’ mean to me? Why do my parents appear behind a plant in my mind and hover over my most intimate moments? This memory keeps replaying – what feeling does it evoke – and when was the first time I can recall feeling this way in my life?

Such a conversation, as acknowledged, can be painful and brutal. But it is the first step in promising to exile nothing, to understanding our demons, and to integrating them with heightened awareness into our day-to-day lives. Only then can they become beacons of self-knowledge, rather than unconscious determiners of our beliefs about the world that have been shaping life up until this moment.

Frida Kahlo’s feet (Detail from What the Water Gave Me)

We are confronted with a truth in this painting about how pain exists for human beings: The past, when it is still painful and unresolved, will remain an ever-present determiner in shaping our cycle of feeling, thinking, and doing. This cycle becomes how we see and interact with the world, and if left unchecked, we have no choice but to regard the present while bespectacled with lenses that are only fit to allow us to see the world tinted in the shades of our past pain. What we see, what we continue to allow to terrify us, is what becomes our reality. Frida’s words reaffirm the veracity of this phenomenon: ‘They thought I was a Surrealist, but I wasn’t. I never painted dreams. I painted my own reality’.

So look your ‘demons’ in the face (one at a time, and calmly, so they don’t erupt uncontrollably) when they choose to emerge from dormancy. Invite them into your moments of peace and solitude; they’re here to do more than help you have a relaxing bath. They’re here to help you relax into your future self.

Art Healership Lectures Thoughts on, around, and about art

In the context of healing, what is art?

TL;DR – Art is a reflection of the humanness of those who make it and those who look at it. We should pay greater attention to the latter role more closely in deciding what it means and what it is worth. Art can then be used to heal through increased understanding, empathy, and self-actualisation.

A gallery where art = human might look like this.

For Art Healers, art is a good friend. A companion who can show you the reality of you, even if you may not want to listen, and one who sees you, hears you, and allows you – even celebrates you – being who you are. Art does this by being entwined in the human experience; it could even be said, art is representative of humanness. Exploring this connection between art and our lived experience is of great value to our peace of mind and personal growth.

Conceptualising art in this way, and giving art the purpose of ‘healing’, has major implications for how it is made, presented, and used. But what is it about art that, like our closest friendships, can provide us with such healing companionship?

– – The ‘Art’ in Art Healers – –

The relationship between art and experience, and between you and art, can best be unpicked by taking quite a scientific approach. This is how we can yield the crispest definition.

On the one hand, we see art as something that allows us to empathise with existence. It is something we can see ourselves in, not in physicality, but in terms of lived experience – and when we’re lucky – it can show us non-lived experience too. On the other (slightly more scientific) hand, we see the process of looking at art, and deriving meaning from art, as experiential.

Art is something to be experienced. For us, it is because art can be physically seen that gives it value, meaning, and even existence. A relevant conundrum would be: if no one hears a tree falling in a forest, does it make a sound?

Ironically, this is where the science is relevant. Looking at recent developments in neurology in how we create emotions and, essentially, our reality, is useful in understanding how Art Healers use art, and define what it is.

Lisa Feldman Barrett (2017) uses this exact conundrum in her book How Emotions Are Made. She illustrates how the individual brain, and the collective brains of society, actually create our perception of experiences, showing that we are more than passive onlookers to whom things and emotions happen. Art Healers see looking at art as the same phenomenon; art is not something that ‘happens to us’. In order to exist, we must creatively look at art.

Explaining this can be clarified by explaining the falling tree conundrum. Presumably, a scientific explanation would lead us to the conclusion that the tree would of course make a sound. Neurology, Feldman Barrett explains, dictates that it would not. In the same way, does the unobserved work of art exist, have value, or meaning? A tree falling doesn’t make a sound by itself, just as a piece of art can never, by itself, become anything, let alone ‘great’. The key component between art and its greatness that is often neglected: you, the viewer.

The vibrations of a trunk being cracked, splintering, under the weight of its cascading body will not be heard if there is no ear to translate the vibrations in the air into what we know to be sound.

Similarly, the Fontana di Trevi that glows illustriously at the junction of three roads in the centre of Rome, would be of simply no importance whatsoever should there be no human eye there to translate, via photoreceptors and the optical nerve, what is ‘seen’ into electrical signals that are sent to and interpreted by the brain.

Nicola Salvi, Fontana di Trevi, 1762, stone, Trevi, Rome, Italy, image: Livioandronico2013

Imagine if you travelled all the way to Rome but forgot to see this glorious structure. Would that make you a bad tourist, or would it just mean the Trevi Fountain doesn’t exist in what you can recall of Rome?

But even then, the process is not over. Your mind must interpret what it sees. It must convert stone to splendour and majesty; without the human eye there to see, what exists is merely physical reality devoid of meaning. A fountain without water is a statue. A statue without a viewer is meaningless; it is just light waves and atoms vibrating at the frequency of stone.

With no one there to see, hear, or experience art, the sound or image will fade into the ravenous pulse of time, without even having caused a ripple, unlike each coin flipped with wishful thinking by the viewers into one of the world’s most iconic fountains.

The power to bring art to life lies with people who see, interact, or even flip coins into the art.

We do not merely ‘look’ at art, it is experienced. In much the same way as we are not simple observers of emotion, we create them. The process of looking at art is, in many ways, as creative as the process of making it; indeed, art and emotions are both a social reality that our brains must interpret in order to make them real.

– If art is what we make it, by looking at it, what is it? –

Art is a reflection of the humanness of those make it and those who look at it.

A human is necessary for both making and viewing (or experiencing) art. Yes, the reality and texture of the human experience is infinitely complex; but art, artwork by artwork, in the here and now, can help us all feel a little bit more understood.

This definition, moreover, makes looking at art integral to its definition. If who is looking at it draws into question both art’s existence, and what art can mean, should we change how it is presented and received? Perhaps more pressingly, we could ask: who is looking at art and pretending their experience, and their subsequent interpretations, are any more valid than anyone else’s?

This question gives us an idea of what art is today, and what it could be tomorrow. In its current state as part of ‘high culture’, art is what it is because of who is looking. How radical then, to claim art as your own and for your own purpose; when this happens, you have the power to define what art is, and what art should be, for you.

Taking this one step further, we could then say, that the true value of art, and its power to capture experience in a way that is an authentic representation of humanness, it needs to be viewed by as diverse a population of the world as possible in order to bolster its ability to truly be a reflection of the complete human experience.

Those who don’t see art are excluded from making what it is. This tragically undermines art’s power to reflect what it means to be human. It also means that people are losing out on their right to access the opportunity to find meaningful understanding, existence, and healing in a relationship with art.

– The ‘healing’ in Art Healers –

Using art to heal can make art belong to everyone, with the word ‘heal’ being taken in many forms. Imbued with this intention, it doesn’t matter what your experience is, you are the one who makes this art important. You are the one who gives it value. You are the one who should feel entitled to take this image and turn it into something meaningful for you.

Until that point, however, while it may not exist to some, this is not to say that it is their job to make it so by dragging themselves to a gallery or museum. It is the role of people who currently define what art is, to expand what this definition can include. The role of the viewer is massively underestimated in art, and they have been excluded for too long – meaning their ability to attribute meaning, validity, and existence to art must also, in a sense, be healed.

The kind of healing that happens through increased awareness and understanding of humanness, though, is slightly different; it has three parts. First comes the psychological part. Second comes the part about knowledge. Third comes the part about being human.

– Healing –

– How art can meet our basic psychological needs –

Psychologically, we all have a need to be seen, heard, and authentically expressed. These are the roots of feeling understood, and art is perfectly placed to meet these needs given that it can reflect what it means to be human.

When we see an artwork that can capture what words don’t quite do justice, but yet still recognise the feeling, we are seen. For instance, Albrecht Dürer’s ability to remind us, in one of the first known European self-portraits, that it’s okay to feel like you’re important by making the subject of art himself. He goes on to post another selfie mid-Renaissance, further showing that it’s completely acceptable to want to present ourselves in our best, even Christ-like light, and should feel no shame in doing so. He recognises how we need to be noticed. Our vanity is seen, and by being seen it’s accepted as part of the human experience; it is not something to be shamed.

Albrecht Dürer, Self Portrait, 1484, Vienna

A young Albrecht, 13, claiming his right to be seen.

Albrecht Dürer, Self Portrait, 1500, oil on lindenwood, Alte Pinakothek, Munich

A Renaissance ‘glow up’ where he, unashamedly, assumes a Christ-like pose, showing us its okay to feel important with a subtle reminder that we’re all made in God’s image.

When we see Ai Wei Wei plastering the Berlin Konzerthaus with lifejackets, we can be reminded, without restraint, how powerful we each are in helping one another be heard, gaining a powerful and symbolic reminder of what it means to live someone else’s experience. The lifejackets searing orange brightness is matched by the volume of Ai Wei Wei’s message to help grant refugees fleeing the war in Syria a safe passage and criticise Europe’s response. He shows that even in the direst times, there are some who are willing to help our voice be heard. By being heard, we can know that we are not alone.

Ai Wei Wei’s installation of 14,000 lifejackets on the Berlin Konzerthaus, 2016, Berlin, image: mompl

The bright symbol burns with irony as a life-saving device is used to represent the sheer volume of tragic loss of life; no words are needed to hear this message.

When, in our darker moments, we feel like are not free to be who we truly are, we can turn to photographer Nan Goldin, who shows a personal moment shared in Jimmy Paulette + Taboo! in the Bathroom (1991); two drag queens, topless and wig-less, welcome us into their abode, showing in their transgression of gender norms that the greatest version of you is the one that is representative of what is inside you – and whatever that is, is welcome here. We are reminded of our uniqueness, and that there is only one ‘us-shaped’ space in the universe in which we can simultaneously succeed and express ourselves authentically.

Nan Golding, Jimmy Paulette and Taboo! in the bathroom, NYC, 1991, Horace W. Goldsmith Foundation Fund for Photography, Museum of Fine Arts, Boston

The two drag queens welcome us into their personal space, one that is safe for expression of the authentic self.

These three examples were chosen almost arbitrarily from a long history of art that has captured humanness in time and space.

– Healing –

– Knowledge and the role of Art History –

With regard to knowledge, we ask what role does Art History play? It is a discipline that brings historical and social context to improve our understanding of a piece of art. Such knowledge can be vital to identifying why art has been made, but could be used better in regard to how we interact with art. We are not empowered to do anything without knowledge, and Art History shows that we must take a multidisciplinary approach, as this is a clearer reflection of life, and therefore, better for healing.

For instance, the most relevant context might be knowledge of propaganda in World War I, in the case of Nash’s We Are Making a New World, in understanding the ambiguous sentiment that existed in the British public towards war where he was commissioned to encourage the war effort whilst simultaneously expressing personal lament for the devastating loss of life.

Paul Nash, We Are Making a New World, 1918, oil on canvas, Imperial War Museum, London

It was illegal to depict dead British bodies, but Nash might’ve wanted to reference the devastating loss felt by his country and its residents within the remit of the law and in such a way as it might not be interpreted as ‘demoralising’.

But, it might also be the context in which the art is viewed – of you simply being in a certain point in time and space, where the image of humanness is scrutinised, forcing us to question what the ‘self’ in ‘selfie’ actually means, in the Saatchi Gallery’s Selfie to Self-Expression exhibition.

The first example (Nash’s), however, uses knowledge that is not always readily available, and what knowledge is presented, may not be presented in the best way to get value from an artwork. How much more power would viewing Nash’s painting have if we more carefully presented this knowledge alongside, or in the form of, thought provoking questions, alongside We Are Making a New World:

  • This painting could be said to display a conflict between defending your family and friends and preventing the suffering of all. Where can you see this conflict in this painting?
  • Does such a conflict still exist today? Where?
  • If the sun represented hope, and the shattered land is the state of society, what might the sun represent in the new world you’d want to make?

It is positioning knowledge alongside the consideration of these questions that will give such knowledge, what exists behind the painting, both significance and longevity in the viewer’s mind. Just because meaning has been made without all the context does not make it less valid, because a large part of what brings the validity is a balance between the interpreter and the relevant context being considered.

This is not to undermine the value of social and historical context brought by art history. But, such knowledge should be positioned better in relation to the viewer, and not just lumped onto a four-by-four-inch plaque, decontextualised, uninviting, and loosely relevant. What knowledge we choose to display is vital in unlocking a work of art’s meaning and value.

A greater balance can be struck between historical context and the individual viewer in terms of establishing meaning; for example, through questions that involve the viewer’s experience, that touch on humanness in general, that allow us to make art more useful and more enjoyable. It may even, should the work be seen by the right young person, prompt a thought that makes hope for a new and improved world a reality.

– Healing –

– If art is linked to humanness, then what is humanness? –

The third part, about humanness, the part that is integral to our definition, is trickier to pin down; it is the essence of art. If art is dependent on the human experience of those who make it and look at it, then fine – but how do you define what it means to be human? If there were a simple answer to that question, we wouldn’t have an unthinkable amount of years’ worth of art that explores the elusive essence that is existence.

Cupule and meander petroglyph on a boulder at the Auditorium Cave, 290,000-700,000BCE, Bhimbetka, Madhya Pradesh, India.

Considered the world’s oldest art, discovered in the 1990s, cupules are the earliest known prehistoric art; they are found in all continents except Antarctica and were produced throughout the Stone Age’s Palaeolithic, Mesolithic, and Neolithic eras.

Cupules have no utilitarian function. It seems that around the world, humans, in their learning to use tools, made them for some other purpose; perhaps it is not art as we recognise it today, but is instead what it looked like when the first thought that led to expressing ourselves in an artful way. There is no discernible message at this point, just the essence of a want to express a message that may need to be told somewhere in a distant future.

The human condition just is. It cannot be defined, only explored – and taking this perspective when looking at art allows us to glean from it so much more practical and enriching meaning.

But, if art is a collection of truths about the human condition, then it is only when an appropriately intersectional array of experiences are seen of, and seen by, people who are already are, and who are yet to be, involved in the art world that we can truly unlock the potential of exploring ‘humanness’ in its totality.

How lacking in texture and depth art would be, should its potential for meaning become effaced by the painfully restricted blinkers that often leave what is looked at, and who it is looked at by, as male, pale, and stale. With everyone in the conversation, we can have a far greater awareness of the true essence of the human experience, and with this comes empathy, kindness, and understanding of ourselves and one another.

Then, and only then, can art be something that is truly representative of the human condition.

– Final thoughts –

Art, and what it is, should be reframed. It can be revitalised in all its forms through an approach that considers this definition and its scientific rationale as a powerful tool for holistic development that merges both intellectual and personal growth, and turns it into healing.

How, then, does this affect what art means for an Art Healer? Sometimes, words are woven together in such a way that no other combination, or sequence, can express their meaning so perfectly; this is true of C. S. Lewis’s stance on friendship, and his likening of it to art:

‘Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.’ – C. S. Lewis

Art Healers feel we should see art in the same way; indeed, his view on what art can mean, in relation to living, encapsulates much of what art is. What he has touched upon resonates profoundly with what art means for an Art Healer.

It is the hidden capacity art has, when it is defined by the balance between the humanness of those who make it and those who look at it that can help us do more than thrive in life, that can help us do more than manage and survive, but that can give us the strength and space to self-actualise – as should any healthy relationship, be it with family or friend.